Welcome trustees, deans, faculty, alumni, graduates, families, my fellow Honorands, Justice Department spies, and that Uber Eats driver delivering mimosas.
As I look upon this gathering of tomorrow's greatest minds, I'm confident saying there is no less flattering outfit than the cap and gown.
We all look like the potions professor at Hogwarts.
Up here on stage, it feels like an AA meeting for Druids.
I want to thank President Garber for his incredible stewardship of this graduating class.
Fantastic job, sir, really nice, really nice.
Normally, normally I would give you an A plus, but in keeping with upcoming Harvard policy, I'm adjusting your grade to a C minus.
Trust me, it's for the good of the school.
I will keep my remarks brief because MIT's graduation is also today, and I wanna give you a 15 minute headstart on your job hunt.
Those nerds down the river won't know what hit 'em.
