There is something distinctly spooky in the idea of there being any set route to making one person fall in love with another.
It threatens to transform what should be an unconsciously based mystery into a generic programmatic maneuver.
And yet, it may be no violation of our integrity to observe that when people do feel attracted to one another, certain factors will often, to a remarkable extent, be present.
Three moves in particular appear to be central to love's genesis.
Firstly, curiosity.
The leading evidence for, and harbinger of love, is curiosity.
To be attracted to someone is first and foremost to want to know more.
It's to have a constantly renewed appetite for questions, and not just any questions, questions that aim to unearth why someone is the way they are, what they aspire to, who shaped them, and where they are headed.
We feel in the presence of someone properly invested in us when we hear, "Why do you think you didn't stay with him after that?" Or, "How come the job didn't, in the end, work out? What do you believe made it so hard to say anything when ... ? " Or, "Where might you want to go next?" Of course, the questions have to be gently handled.
The curiosity that wins us over must be measured, discreet, and unpressured.
